Thursday, June 4, 2026
2d8 Penises, Again
I put this up about 2 weeks ago and took it down after a couple of hours. I wasn’t embarrassed about the product–this is a good and funny table and I stand by it–but I worried that, without context, a post like this could be misconstrued as LotFP boyish fuckery.
I regret taking it down, and have decided to get over myself about it. And by now I guess the Sex Bandwagon has probably picked up sufficient steam to give me the cover of micro-subcultural zeitgeist. I just didn’t want the readers of my blog to think I was into dick jokes.
Very few of these entries are sexual, and none of them feature sexual violence. I don’t like sex in my games.
| 2d8 | Penis |
|---|---|
| 2 | Becomes erect at a location 2-12 days before a rocket strikes |
| 3 | Pees acid |
| 4 | Long and coiled–as whip |
| 5 | Has little hands which can be used to manipulate small objects |
| 6 | Ejaculates diamonds (quite painful, serious chance of real harm) |
| 7 | Testicles that hatch as baby chickens, which then must be let out surgically |
| 8 | Made of gold |
| 9 | Foreskin can be used as invisibility cloak, covers 3 people |
| 10 | Functions as 10’ pole when erect |
| 11 | Intelligent and has a good rapport with magic swords which would be otherwise difficult to deal with |
| 12 | Hums showtunes and old propaganda songs absent-mindedly |
| 13 | Hangs towards treasure |
| 14 | Hangs towards magic |
| 15 | Can be used as a life raft when inflated |
| 16 | Magnetically drawn towards philosophy books |
