Scribbles and Horrors

Living hammers are not inherently malevolent. It’s just that they know only one solution to any problem, and they love doing their jobs.
6HD, AC 4, 6” mv., 2 dice damage.

Awed by the genius of Warenunförmig’s Ocean D&D, I present the burgeoning and mucusy aggregation of a new game, also like Dungeons and Dragons, but different.

Behold Amoeba D&D (AD&D)!

In AD&D, players assume the role of microbes in some fantastic environment. XP is granted for consuming food (often bacteria), and the microbes can go on whatever adventures they wish. The world is quite large when you are very small.

The first class of this new D&D game (and all that exists so far) is the Slime Mold. I present a first draft here, untested and unrefined.

At levels 1-4, a Slime Mold can asexually reproduce, dividing itself into two equal amoeba with ½ experience points. These amoeba function independently, but may be under the control of the player.

At any time, if the sum of the xp of Slime Mold’s is between 15000 and 29999, the bodies can permanently form together to become a Grex, a slug which moves twice as fast.

The final stages of the Slime Mold, Sorocarp and Sporangium are stationary, as the mold builds a towering structure in order to disperse its spores. This is perhaps analogous to a castle in D&D.

Exhortation

All small things owe themselves to Ido, Lord of Microbes. Slime Molds can urge happenings by appealing to Ido. These are called Exhortations, because the slime mold exhorts the world to do something.

Predict Future
Solve Maze
Traverse Tremendous Distance
Resist Fire
Frighten Beetles
Operate Machinery
Farm Bacteria
Interpret Signs

Watching E.R. has fried my brain, so here’s a Realm of Yolmi creature:

Medical Doctors

These professionals will insist on treating anyone who has been hurt, by force if necessary. Treatment heals all damage and takes one day. Their personal lives are quite chaotic, however, and there is a 20% chance that they will become overwhelmed and kill a patient.

Type: Men
N.A.: 2-12
Armor Type: 9
Move: 15”
Hit Die: 4
T.P.: G
% Lair: 35%
L.N.A.: 2-24
T.L.: H

Attacks: Openhanded, 1-4 + treatment (20% chance of death)

Note (10/27/26): It has come to my attention that The Realm of Yolmi is being reprinted. Normally this would be fantastic news, however the guy behind the company printing it appears to bear full-throated support of the current fascist regime in the US. Fascism has no place in this hobby. I urge you not to purchase The Realm of Yolmi from that source.

Here are more illustrations, following my first post.

Taekic

Small flying creatures armed with micro-lasers.

Dalek

Giant creatures that open their mouths and let food walk in. Unfortunately for them, their size gives them away every time. Even the most naive of Adventurer could see that it is not a cave since a large body wearing a fluorescent green tunic is attached to it.

H4 234

The last of the servorobots. It mounts two heavy machine guns on its sides and has delusions of being another “Machine Gun Kelly”

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Gamblers

Gaudily dressed, they invite Adventurers to play with them in obviously crooked games for high stakes. If refused, they will attack 45% of the time. They are also quite adept at passing phony rupniks, etc.

Suu

Stony creatures with three long rubbery necks with a head attached to each. They lash these around with tremendous force and speed, causing utter damage.

Completines

5′ monsters that generate electricity. They throw their eyes when hit in the stomach.

Note (10/27/26): It has come to my attention that The Realm of Yolmi is being reprinted. Normally this would be fantastic news however the guy behind the company printing it appears to bear full-throated support of the current fascist regime in the US. Fascism has no place in this hobby. I urge you not to purchase The Realm of Yolmi from that source.

Furthering Yolmiposting, here are some illustrations based on the monster descriptions in The Realm of Yolmi. These drawings are frankly not at all what I first envisioned when I read the descriptions, but they seem to be what’s come out of me trying to draw them. A fun exercise, whether or not these drawings become canon to my imagination.

See also Yolmi Illustrations 2.

Ke

Move: 2”

Creatures with a horrible disposition who spit quik-glue which roots one to the ground and attracts lightning half the time. If asked what the substance is, they will reply it is merely tree sap and conclude in laughter. - p. 50

Ki

Move: 3”

Akin to the Ke, these creatures spit caustic acid up to a range of 20”. When asked what the substance is, they will laugh and say it is in the imagination. Only the most gauche of Adventurers will be fooled, however, because the substance smells strongly of sulphur. - p. 50

Reakles

Move: 15”

These moth-brained, ostrich-like creatures are incredibly stupid. In fact, when attacked they feel they must have been naughty; otherwise, why would they be attacked. Consequently they will kill themselves. If simply spoken to they will break off their leg as “punishment.” - p. 50

Regik

Move: 6”

These creatures used to be Used Car Salesmen. Any one they encounter will be subject to a long sales pitch and unless the prospect buys a totally worthless car for over 6000 Rupniks, the Regik will go mad, singing meaningless songs and kick the prospect in the head. - p. 50

Simul

Move: 12”

These are fish with feet. They are eager to please and will instantly change appearance to anything the Adventurer is thinking of. Alas, when touched, they revert. - p. 51

Note (10/27/26): It has come to my attention that The Realm of Yolmi is being reprinted. Normally this would be fantastic news however the guy behind the company printing it appears to bear full-throated support of the current fascist regime in the US. Fascism has no place in this hobby. I urge you not to purchase The Realm of Yolmi from that source.